sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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