Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
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I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
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I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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