its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
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We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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