thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so let's talk penis.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize