singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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