Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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