i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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