this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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