Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
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i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
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You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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