Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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