After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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