so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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