so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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