my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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