apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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