hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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