Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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