...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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