I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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