Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
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New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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