I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
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Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
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I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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