so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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