You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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