An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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