You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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