people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
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He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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