One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
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Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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