The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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