Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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