Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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