Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize