Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
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I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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