I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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