I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize