I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
how drunk are you?
Several
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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