i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize