More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
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Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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