Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
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Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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