WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i think my cat just said my name.
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