Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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