watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
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I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
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Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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