she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize