having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
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Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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