i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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