Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
don't judge my taste in strippers
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize