3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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