im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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