The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
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The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
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Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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