Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize