Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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